According to most of the world I’m not a “Real” mom.
You see I am a mom through the gift of adoption. One day my sons could decide they wanted to find their “Real” mom. If that happened and a news crew followed them, most of the world would think “oh, isn’t this wonderfu, another “Real” family has been reunited.” Well truthfully when I reflect on this ” way of thinking” it makes me sad, it makes me angry, it makes me jealous and it makes me fearful.
You see I feel very REAL…………….I love my children so much sometimes it feels like a big hand is squeezing my heart and it can even hurt at times. I truly want the very best for them, I want them to know God and His son Jesus, I want them to be healthy, I want all their daily needs to be met, I want them to be successful (not talking about money), I want them to be happy (in HIM) not themselves, I want them to trust God with everything in them, to trust that His plans for their lives are always the very best, I never want them to feel that anything is missing in them or their lives or that they got second best because they were put up for adoption. The love, the hurt, the pain, the joy, the peace, the contentment, the worry (and so many other feelings) that I have felt since our boys were brought into our lives feels very REAL to me.
I do always want what is best and what is God’s will (which are the same) for my boys so God is really going to have to help me with the idea of them wanting to search out any genetic relations. God is also going to have to help me not be upset when someone ask me about the boys “real mom” or “real parents”. I do trust that He will help me in these areas but as I reflect on this today………………….. I know “I’m just not there yet”.